This weekend, the Emperor will participate in our parish's Rite-13 Ceremony of Manhood/Womanhood. This is the Episcopalian version of a bar mitzvah.
Part of what we do as a parish is offer the "celebrities" (I hate that term, but that is what the coordinators call them) bits of wisdom to help them on their journey to adulthood. So I thought I would pick your brains and ask:
If you could go back in time and give advice to your 13-year-old self, what would you say?
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39 comments:
stop comparing yourself to the popular kids in the class. they are not all they appear to be.
it's ok to use your voice. God gave it to you as a gift.
go outside more. get your head out of that book & check out the real world!
believe in yourself. love yourself. be kind to yourself.
your mother does not have as much power as you thing she does.
you will survive adolescence.
your mother does not have as much power as you think she does.
Roberta--I do NOT want to tell him that!!!! ;-)
But I take your point...
You will someday love someone even more than you love someone now.
Well, I always felt that this song by Sparks had Very Good Advice for Young People:
I've got a snapshot of your Aunt Maureen
She's 90 and you're a teen
I'm trying to cheer you up
Don't be so mean, don't be so mean
Crash, bam, now you're looking good
Tip Top, now you're feeling good
Once more, here's your Aunt Maureen
Don't you feel good? don't you feel good?
Chorus:
Tips For Teens, Tips For Teens, the kind
you don't see in magazines
Tips For Teens, Tips For Teens, the kind
you don't see on T.V. screens
Tips For Teens, Tips For Teens
Wake up to music
And say you're too sick
To go to work
Soon, you will lose all your zits
Tight sweaters no longer fit
Jetsetters will make their pitch
I told you so, I told you so
Chorus
Don't eat that ice cream
It is vanilla?
Give it to me!
Don't eat that pastry
What's in the middle?
Give it to me!
Don't eat that burger
Has it got mayonnaise?
Give it to me!
Keep that mystique up
And wear a "D" cup
No matter what
Don't eat no curry
Before a very
Important date
Do I look so knowing and old and wise?
Maby it's those Dacron ties
How come you keep asking me
For Tips For Teens? for Tips For Teens?
Crash, bam, now you're looking good
Tip Top, now you're feeling good
Once more, here's your Aunt Maureen
Don't you feel good? don't you feel good?
Susankay--he has seen that one in action. :-)
Padre Mickey---you are a bad man, and I love you! He will get the joke and he'll love it too. ;-)
If I could speak to my 13-year-old self? I would say that a desire to explore my creativity / gifts / talents gives God pleasure and to continue to do so with gusto.
Oh, and I would give myself a big hug and say that no child is in any way, ever responsible to solve an adult's problem.
These may not relate to your son at all, but they are what I would tell myself.
I would tell my thirteen year old self, "You ARE a weird kid. You're going to grow up into a weird adult. But you are going to have the best fun being a weird adult--more than you will ever know--and you will be true to yourself in ways most people can't even begin to be. Oh, and take up a musical instrument. If you don't, it will be the only regret you will ever have."
Try to get out of your own way and learn to be more open to who you are. To add to that I would refer them to Maria's comment - I wish I could have known I was a weird kid and been ok with it. It serves my adulthood well now.
"You can have more fun loving the world the way God does than heaping it all up for yourself."
"Enjoy dicovering what God wants your unique life to speak and screw everyone else's script. It was their role and they blew it. It shouldn't have to be your job to rectify the lost dreams and visions of of adults wallowing in regret."
Thanks to all of you! This is excellent stuff, and I'm collecting it for him.
I wish I had had such wise and caring adults to give me good advice when I was almost-13...
I put this on my daughter's Ipod.
Sarah Bettens, "Don't Stop"
Don't stop trying, there's always reason to go on living
as long as you can breathe
stay clear of extremes
just say what you mean
but try not to be mean
you should say thank you often, like your hair
wave to strangers everywhere
do what your supposed to do
don't look at what the others do
think before you buy a car don't marry someone
you met at a bar
there's no such thing as going too far
love who you are
don't be scared of what's ahead
but wear a helmet to protect your head
be aware, say you care, don't say fair...
Stay close to the hand that raised you
watch for signs
never waste expensive wine
spoil your body, spoil yourself
never cheat and share your wealth
sing when you're glad
close the door if you sound bad
don't believe a man who knows he's right
don't skip ahead, enjoy your flight
be nice to your dog,
drive slow in the fog
convince yourself to write a song
change clothes every day
call ahead when you're late
be safe when you're planning to get laid
read what you like
be on your brother's side
it's okay to wonder why
but don't expect to understand your life
don't expect to understand your life ...
I was going to say, Don't bother, because when I was 13, I wouldn't have listened to a damn word of advice. :)
But I really, really like Kirkepiscatoid's advice. My real suspicion is that at 13 or 14, everyone feels like they're weird, even most of the so-called popular kids. And at those early teen years, we take our weirdness out on others. Some kids revel in it, some kids rebel against it. And the level of personal angst rises accordingly.
But that sometime [hopefully] early in our adult years, most of us realize, well, if we are weird, then weird must be good, and it's sure as hell better than "normal" or "average."
Congrats to the Emperor, and how the heck can he be 13???? Sheesh.
8thdayplanner--excellent song! Thanks for stopping by.
Laura--I ask myself that same question frequently...
One more song - "Everything Possisible" from Fred Small:
We have cleared off the table, the leftovers saved,
Washed the dishes and put them away
I have told you a story and tucked you in tight
At the end of your knockabout day
As the moon sets its sails to carry you to sleep
Over the midnight sea
I will sing you a song no one sang to me
May it keep you good company.
CHORUS:
You can be anybody you want to be,
You can love whomever you will
You can travel any country where your heart leads
And know I will love you still
You can live by yourself, you can gather friends around,
You can choose one special one
And the only measure of your words and your deeds
Will be the love you leave behind when you're done.
There are girls who grow up strong and bold
There are boys quiet and kind
Some race on ahead, some follow behind
Some go in their own way and time
Some women love women, some men love men
Some raise children, some never do
You can dream all the day never reaching the end
Of everything possible for you.
Don't be rattled by names, by taunts, by games
But seek out spirits true
If you give your friends the best part of yourself
They will give the same back to you.
You can be anybody you want to be,
You can love whomever you will
You can travel any country where your heart leads
And know I will love you still
You can live by yourself, you can gather friends around,
You can choose one special one
And the only measure of your words and your deeds
Will be the love you leave behind when you're done.
Don't worry if your friends are (or aren't) considered popular or cool. Spend your time with people who are fun. The worst that can happen is that you'll have a good time.
I like Padre Mickey's contribution.
My advice for my thirteen-year-old self would be: "if someone is harassing you relentlessly, and ignoring them doesn't work, it might just be okay to go medieval on his/her ass. Going "medieval on [someone's] ass" is a phrase you will learn at age thirty, and it will make you laugh. It means exactly what you think it does. Sometimes just sitting there and sucking it up makes you more of a victim. Do something. Speak up. Be scary... as long as you don't really hurt anyone."
Jeez, I hope none of the above applies to the Emperor, but you did ask.
I would probably tell myself that the pursuit of wimmin was a distraction, stop reading James Joyce and Nietszche and go to school.
...but then again I know I wouldn't listen.
Alternately...
You read Nietzsche at 13?! Wow.
Love the Baz Luhrmann link! I predict the Emperor will as well. Thanks...
I would tell a 13-year old me to stop being such a "goodie two shoes" and laugh a lot and smile a lot at people who never get smiles and dance.
Love your self -- Laugh a lot -- hang out with people who like you for who you are -- try new things now while your body will cooperate (like skiing, dancing, music, whatever) - take classes that make you think and bring you joy. Don't be afraid of what you think others will think - they are mostly thinking about what others are thinking! Risk being silly. Play with little kids.
Without reading the other comments (I will after posting this), I'd say for starters:
It's going to turn out OK. All will be well, even though right now it may not seem so.
Don't worry about the 'popular' kids. They may be incredibly unhappy inside.
It's OK to study and love learning.
It's OK to love going to church.
It's OK to love God: Creator, Jesus, the Holy Spirit
Don't compare yourself to everyone else. You are God's beloved just as you are wonderfully you.
And do take care of your body NOW. No staying out in the sun, do exercise, eat well. Your body down the line will really appreciate it.
Don't believe it when adults tell you you've got it easy. Being a teenager is very hard.
A great deal of the work you have in front of you does not have a grade attached and no one will ever know what you have achieved.
Just because something doesn't come easily doesn't mean it can't be done.
Dare to be different.
The popular kids will end up working for the geeks.
it's okay to enjoy the journey. You dn't have to be in a hurry.
Wear sunscreen.
IT
The better your brakes, the faster you can drive your car.
My advice to 13 year old me would be, "Apply yourself. Just because you don't NEED to do your homework, you still should do it." and "It's OK to be different, as long as you are being yourself."
My dear child: I find the young people in my congregation are always greatly blessed by listening to the advice of young William s. Burroughs.
I really don't want that creature to have brought you down. Because ...(whether U know it or not, U are a LIGHT, ..like myself, ..didn't ask for it,..it just happened).
But then, it doesn't really matter when common sense takes over...(hopefully)
"You read Nietzsche at 13?! Wow.
"
Doesn't mean I understood it.
Y'all are amazing. Thank you.
Dr. Christian--good advice for ALL ages!
David G.--thank you, friend, and don't worry. I used to teach drunken frat boys and I recognize them when I see them. ;-)
I may hate myself for this. No, I really won't. After a long siege of teaching post-adolescent "college" students with flapping mouths, sullen expressions, too much money, and empty heads, and having taught 13 year olds also...here is the advice I don't believe I'm about to offer:
Shut up. You know nothing. You have no right to an opinion. By the time you are 50 you might even realize it.
I've been thinking about this for a few days and settled on two things, one of which has always come naturally to me but which was discouraged when I was 13, and one of which I'm only just learning and might have made my path a lot easier.
1) Do question everything. Be careful how you ask the questions, because some people don't like their ideas challenged and tend not to respond well, but never assume that things have to remain the way they are. Question everything. Listen carefully to the answers.
2) It's okay to ask for help when you need it.
Ken--that made me laugh!
Thanks to both you and Song in my Heart. Your posts didn't come in until after I had to submit the others to the church (they make a "Book of Wisdom" for each kid), but I will be sure and give him your advice.
Thanks, everyone!
Cheers,
Doxy
At 13 (well maybe 16), I read Jeremiah 29:11 and believed in my heart that it had been written for me: "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. " Today, some 32 years later, I know it to be true.
Jay--we cross-posted. Thanks to you, too--I'll add that in as well.
Y'all feel free to keep commenting. I'll pass along whatever you post.
I would say:
"Those spots will go away."
PJ hearts DP. :D
dear Emp: first, know that you'll do just fine. second, i would have loved knowing how to meditate when i was 13, because it may be the first possible moment that we are mature enough to learn how to enter the silence inside, to listen for words from your inner teacher, and then to follow that guidance. everything else flows from that. including love. now, go be beautiful. love, duck.
p.s. not all mothers are wise. but yours is. listen to her carefully. she is your #1 "outer" teacher. got it?
Stop worrying about your looks. Relax, be yourself, think for yourself, and enjoy life.
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